At The Late Night, Double Feature, Picture Show

Happy Halloween! Can Halloween be considered successful or unsuccessful? If Halloween success was measured by the number of trick-or-treaters who show up at your house, it would have been a complete failure for me. I think that maybe 20 kids showed up at my house. So naturally I now have a very large bowl of candy left over which is bad news for my thighs and hips.

The other downside of Halloween, the fireworks. Where I am living, they don't sell fireworks in the city, but they're still pretty easy to get if you go to one of the other suburbs nearby, you are also supposed to have a permit for this with strict rules that basically means just about every residence in the city is not allowed to set off fireworks at their houses. Obviously this doesn't stop people and my dog becomes a mess, plus when you have school tomorrow the people who are setting them off late into the night are just a pain in the ass. Especially because I should be studying, but it's too hard to focus when there is a large BANG! every few seconds. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate Halloween, I love the cute little kids in costumes coming up to my door and dressing up is fun, I'm just not big on the fireworks. But I guess that is partly because "you know you're a dog owner when you hope the people setting off the fireworks by your house would injure themselves so that it would quit so you're dog would calm down."

Anyways, a few of my friends and I had a mini movie marathon the other night where we watched: "The Rocky Horror Picture Show", "Saw 1", "The Blair Witch Project", and "How To Train Your Dragon." (The last one was really just because people got freaked out by the Blair Witch Project.") Needless to say, I've had songs from Rocky Horror stuck in my head since. Plus the fact that Glee did Rocky Horror last week really didn't help that. Oh well, what can you do? Suck it up and deal with it I suppose.

Goblins, Ghouls and Puppies?

Puppy Update: The painkiller dose has been increased, the "pain patch" has been removed and we started her on steroids today. So far so good. She was actually willing to walk around the block and make it all under her own power today. 

The only downside to putting her on steroids is that if they don't work the next option is surgery. A $4,000-$6,000 that we honestly can't afford. And my dad has said from the beginning that if she ends up with back problems that are too much to handle, (such as the one she currently has if the steroids don't work) we're going to have to put her down. So here's keeping fingers crossed and hoping that the steroids work. 

Last night I went to "Fright Night" an event which consists of 5 haunted houses, approximately 16 rides and random people running around in masks (such as devils, clowns, Freddy, goblins, werewolves etc.) some of whom had chainsaws that would run up behind you and yell really loud to try to scare you. The rides were fun, but I've been on all of them before, the haunted houses were really lame. I was laughing in most of them and I think in total last night I jumped maybe 4 times simply because something jumped out at me. I didn't scream or anything and it was disappointing because I wanted to be scared enough to at least make me scream. Oh well, now I know I don't have to go next time. What a waste of my money though.

And The Countdown Begins...

It's been an extremely slow week. Paper was due on Monday, Midterm and my three hour lecture yesterday, and All I have to look forward at school is my second least favourite class today and my least favourite class tomorrow at 8:30 am. Although with Thursday also comes my favourite class, the beginning of my weekend and a night out. This weekend is one to look forward to because on Thursday night I'm going to Fright Night with some friends. (where there are five haunted houses that are actually scary and like sixteen rides) Friday Night is a Halloween inspired movie night with some other friends. Which leaves the rest of the weekend for homework, bummer. I've also still got my poor sick puppy to deal with.

The poor puppy. She has calcium deposits in her spine, common for her breed and causing her a lot of back pain. Underneath the red "sleeve" is a "pain patch" to help control the pain, plus she's taking pain killers orally. And on Friday She starts on steroids. Hopefully she gets better soon. *fingers crossed*

Here's hoping that next week gets better, besides there's a huge shoe sale next Saturday that I plan on attending, my birthday is only two weeks away, the next Harry Potter movie comes out in like 3 weeks. (Yes I'm nerdy and love Harry Potter) So I guess there's a few things to look forward to.

Missing You

It's been over ten years since the day you died

And I did too, but just on the inside.

Each passing night has made me a little bit stronger

But all the same it's made me weaker

Lying awake thinking about what could've happened,

What did instead

All these things stuck in my head

If there was a rewind button for life, 

I wouldn't have let you use the knife

To create this gaping hole in my heart

It's all playing a huge part 

In the story of me

From scraping my knee

To lying in a hospital bed

And the day I found out you were dead.

There are times where I don't see a point in living

And times where I feel like forgiving

I forgive you, it wasn't your fault

I just wish I could've figured it out.

Found the combination to the vault of your mind

The places you hid your feelings and thoughts, your soul

Now all that's left is a huge hole.

Can someone help me understand?

What makes your heart make such a demand?

As to hurt yourself in such a way

that only your friends and family pay. 

Whoever Said Life Was Fair Was Wrong

I have not been having a good week. It all started last Thursday when I got the worst mark I've gotten so far in Psych and then I got my first University paper back only to find out I had lost an ENTIRE LETTER GRADE because I forgot to separate two lines of poetry I'd quoted in my paper with a slash. Let me repeat that. I LOST AN ENTIRE LETTER GRADE over ONE SLASH! Thursday was not good. Then Monday was the day where I got my Philosophy paper back. It's never a good sign when your TA walks in and the first thing he does is write "I'm sorry don't hate me" on the chalkboard. (I got a B- so it wasn't quite as bad as I was expecting.)

This brings us to today. Today I got my Archaeology midterm back which I knew I didn't do well on, but there was still hope that I was wrong and miraculously pulled off a good mark. (This sadly was not the case) After being frustrated because of my mark and my professor I decided to leave early to go home and check on my dog who had just gotten home from the vet. (She has calcium deposits in her spine which causes her pain and although this is common with her breed (Dachshund) it has never happened in the 5 years we've owned her so it freaked us out a little) Anyways, this was the first day that I had not sat through that three hour lecture in its entirety and of course this is the ONE DAY that she decides to take attendance and give marks to all of those people who were there at the end. Life is so fair isn't it? I leave 10 minutes early to check on my sick dog and I miss out on bonus marks which I could really use to make up for my poor midterm mark. I'm thinking about going to her office hours and telling her my story to try to gain these marks out of pity. I mean she knows I was there, I argued with her about my midterm mark. 

"These Scars Remind Us That The Past Is Real..."

When I was seven I had appendicitis. My appendix actually burst and obviously required surgery. This surgery gave me one of the largest appendicitis related scars I've ever seen. As a result of my surgeon doubling as a butcher, my dad asked me if I was interested in plastic surgery to make this scar on my stomach less noticeable. To this I replied that I didn't want it. So I still have this scar. The reason that I said no is that I believe that the past and our scars (both physical and emotional) help make us who we are. Sure there are things in my past that I would love to change, I've gone through a lot of tough times, but why try to erase the past? Why not embrace it and keep the proof that you survived something? Try not giving into vanity and society's standards for once.

As I said, I've gone through a lot throughout my short life. But that really isn't the point, because EVERYBODY has a story that will break your heart. Which is why I hate all of the judgmental people out there who have no idea where you've been and have never gone through it in their life. This is also why when I was reading Thomas Paine's "Common Sense" for my humanities class there was one quote that stuck with me:
"Hath  your house been burnt? Hath your property been destroyed before your face? Are your wife and children destitute of a bed to lie on, or bread to live on? Have you lost a parent or child by their hands, and yourself the ruined and wretched survivor? If you have not then you are not to judge those who have."
Something that was written in 1776 and still holds true.

The Beauty Of Insomnia

Stuck here alone, 

Facing this constant urge to cry, forever unknown.

Everyday a facade, a series of smoke and mirrors

Inside the truth always clearer. 

I'm really not happy, although that's nothing new

The simple price of seeking approval from you.

But don't we always want what we can't have?

My life is a sham

Nothing more than fake smiles and clever lies,

I'm not in control now, nor have I ever been.

No one listens, my thoughts ignored or unheard.

Maybe if she'd never left me,

Maybe if she'd loved me enough to stay,

Then maybe it all would have been different,

And nothing would've turned out this way.

No one hears my words unspoken,

But sometimes the words remaining unsaid,

Are what we need to hear most

Sleep deprivation and insomnia become my life

Is it time to let go?

Put an and to the charade and let someone in?

Tired of being the one watching everyone live

I don't want to be left behind. 

I don't know who I am,

But does anyone really?

This pillar of strength is full of cracks, starting to show

Now's the time where it all falls apart, and the pillar crumbles.

A Cynical View and A Not So Fresh Perspective

I've been thinking lately about mortality. It is a topic that comes up often in conversation, media and my classes. A song I came across recently is "If I Die Young" by The Band Perry. It really touched me and forced me to think about events from my past as well as my future. One thing that I really thought about is all of the things that I've never done and how as a University student I seem to think that I have all the time in the world to accomplish everything. But the truth of the matter is I really don't.

I'm not trying to be completely morbid and depressing or anything. I was just thinking. Saying that, there are really two things that you can do. You can sit forever in fear of dying or go on with living. A while back I read a book called "Before I Die" by Jenny Downham. It is essentially about a girl with cancer who is terminal and has a list of things she'd like to accomplish before she dies. One quote from this book that really stuck with me was:

"All I know is that I have two choices-stay wrapped in blankets and get on with dying, or get the list back together and get on with living." 


And that is really all you can do. When you are down and depressed, listen to a sad song and take a minute but then move on. Because life doesn't wait, no matter how badly we want it to.

Common Sense Just Isn't so Common

I really don't understand society's "invincibility complex." We are all expected to be invincible. In fact growing up I always felt like crying in front of anyone was a sign of weakness and was just embarrassing. However if everyone just accepted the fact that it's alright to cry and that no one is truly invincible then maybe the world would be a more comfortable place. Taking into account the simple fact that "everybody's got a story that will break your heart." Everyone's got their problems and I guess that not everyone needs to know about all of them but if acceptance was more acceptable then perhaps depression wouldn't be such a rampant disease and the world would be a happier place as well. Then again society has some pretty messed up views on some other things. Take for example the fashion industry and their ideas about beauty. When I am told that in order to be beautiful I have to be extremely underweight how can that be right? Why is it that a female like myself who is over six feet tall is supposed to weigh only 100 pounds? And how can malnutrition be beautiful on the models of North America, but when it is worn by the starving children in Africa it is a sight that can bring some to tears? Personally I prefer Roald Dahl's view of beauty: 
"A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely." 
We strive for this unattainable goal, when it really shouldn't matter what you look like. Really if you are a nice person with a good personality that should be all that matters. But our world is far from perfect, and we'll always find something to complain about regardless. So I suppose it really doesn't matter.