Trying to focus on the positive here, so I'll start off with that. As I'm sure everyone is aware Valentines day was on Tuesday. My boyfriend cooked me dinner and because he knows I hate real flowers (I think it's pointless to spend money on something that's going to die in like a week) he got me a metal rose (which was made out of an old hard drive) engraved with "I love you." Score one for nerd love :)
And now for the negatives. I keep getting into fights with my dad about my boyfriend. It's not that my dad doesn't like my boyfriend or anything, he keeps getting mad at me for spending time with him. He gets mad at me for not being home. He's made it very clear that "I live here" and NOT at his house... he also threw in some stuff about him paying for my school and that I need to follow his expectations. He's not happy about me coming home and "buggering off" again. And when I tried to talk to him about how on Tuesday some of my boyfriend's friends are having a "games night" and the fact that it's going to go pretty late and (because I don't have class on Wednesday until 2:30p.m.) the possibility of staying over at his house because it makes the most sense (which isn't something new, in fact I basically lived there this week because it was reading break)...he literally offered to pay for a cab all the way from the games night thing to my house (which would cost a ton of money).... I'm going to say he's pretty angry with me.
After I got home today, he also did the whole "you're an adult, you could move out if you don't like it" thing. Even though I know that would also make him angry and when I pointed that out he didn't deny it either. He keeps bringing it all back to the fact that he never had much of an "adjustment period" to get used to my relationship. (We've been dating for nearly 4 months) and he thinks that everything moved too quickly. I understand that, I get that he isn't used to this (I didn't date much in high school). My friends keep telling me that he just loves me and he's not ready to let go and that he's afraid of losing me. But I would also like to point out that he's doing a pretty good job of pushing me away.
It's like I said to my dad. Me not wanting to be at home is nothing new, in high school I was always either at basketball games/practices or literally hanging out at school until like 5:00 just so I didn't have to be at home. I wasn't happy here, and I guess that hasn't really changed much. In high school the main reason that I didn't want to be here was because of my relationship with my sister and us fighting all the time, but now that has shifted to my relationship with my dad and the fact that we fight all the time.
It has gotten so bad that I am even considering moving out, even though I know that would mean that I would have to start paying rent, for groceries, for school, and I would pretty much be broke all the time. I guess I could practically live in the library and get my G.P.A up enough to qualify for an academic scholarship (which would be a good thing regardless) and then that way paying for school wouldn't be as much of an issue.
Also right after this fight with my dad I got the grades back for my Cognitive Psychology midterm (a class that I despise and wouldn't be taking if it wasn't a requirement) and I failed it by 2 points. I never fail things, but apparently I do now. I know if my dad finds out he'll tell me that it's because of my boyfriend and me spending so much time with him, but I think that the fact that I HATE the class has something to do with it. (It's really hard to study for something you can't stand). I guess I'm going to have to try out the "living in the library" plan...
Long story short: I spent a fantastic 4 days living at my boyfriend's house, then I came home and it basically ruined my week.. (And people wonder why I don't want to spend time at home...)
